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It’s no secret that part of the reason I love blogging so much is getting to know other bloggers out there. And so is the case with the lovely Recipe Junkie. She’s not only a great writer and a terrific foodie, but also inspirational in her subject matter.

Not least in the fact that every time I read her posts I want to eat a packet of custard creams.

But this weekend she really made me think, thanks to her post about the Great British Bake Off. Once I’d established that I didn’t have psychopathic tendencies, any more so than the average person anyway, I started thinking about whether I would have been brave enough to apply like Recipe Junkie. (For what it’s worth, Hollywood and Berry, I reckon you missed out. I think she’d have been smashing).

And that leads me to a confession.

For, dear reader, I have my own television show. S’true.

The fact that it plays only in my mind is, frankly, a blessing for all of you.

When the mood takes me, I line up my ramekins, fill them with chopped ingredients, and imagine a camera is swooping around me as I go about my work. I natter away to my imaginary audience, smiling winsomely as I sauté, throwing in the odd quip or two as I sift.  Every smudge on my apron or dance with the oven door becomes artistic in its’ own way.  Even the way I pause in concentration is captured for posterity.  I talk people through my latest cookbook, or demonstrate cunning little techniques I’ve picked up over the years to great applause.

In a variation, I cook with my imaginary cookery friends (I do realise this makes me sounds completely bonkers, by the way). I have even managed to get rid of the nerves when Michel Roux Junior looms over my shoulder when I’m slicing and dicing. Jamie and I bish-bash-bosh with the best of them.  And dear Delia – so soothing, calming and good to interview whilst I whip up a meringue.

You should try it. It adds a certain something to time in the kitchen. And let’s face it, at least I’m not aiming for Big Brother or any of the car crash shows. Le Pomme is grateful for small mercies. 

To date, I’ve never tried channelling the Great British Bake Off. Mainly because my baking isn’t elaborate enough. But that’s soon fixed. I’m in the mood to make scones, so I shall report back on my experiment. At least those don’t suffer from soggy bottoms.

Recipe Junkie could trial this for herself. I’ll volunteer to play the part of Mary (have you seen her wardrobe? Am well jel!) and Le Pomme would make a marvellous Paul Hollywood.  We’d only be missing Mel & Sue, and I’m sure we could drum up some other bakers from the foodie blogging community. My parents have got a gazebo. What more can you ask for?

And then, for a final Bake Off touch, all bakers would be required to sit cross legged in front of the oven and gnaw on their lower lip as they watch their creations rise or fall.

Le Pomme has a video camera. I reckon it would be a YouTube ratings smash hit.