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Irritate Idol.

It’s brilliant. Genius. And the viewing public would, I am sure, love it.  You could pitch various bands and warblers against each other. Take, for example, Chris Martin and Paul McCartney. Hypothetically.

Let me state now that I am sure they are both very nice people.

But their singing drives me up the proverbial wall.

On a long car journey the other weekend, both Coldplay and McCartney were placed in the CD player. I am not allowed to be in charge of car CDs when we are travelling together. This is because, left to my own devices, The Bubble, Will Young and quite possibly Glee – The Soundtrack would be on an ever rotating songlist.  A Best of Musicals compilation would also be somewhere in the mix. Perhaps a little light Gilbert and Sullivan.  

But this is frowned upon by the musical genius who, incidentally, bought me the Buble CD in the first place, a fact I never tire of pointing out.  Hence my musical motorway education.  To be fair, this method of musical mayhem does provide me with some occasional jewels such as some of the Lennon albums and various other ones I can’t remember the name of.  My memory loss is mostly on purpose in retaliation for the laughter that my copy of Garth Brooks ‘Ride the Wind’ provoked.

We began with Coldplay.  I took against this when I discovered the name of their latest offering.  Who on earth calls their album Mylo Xyloto? What does it mean?  It’s probably got some profound and deeply moving definition but I can’t even be bothered to google it.  Or are they so arrogant that they are now making up words?

It may have been tiredness, but I suddenly realized how much wolf howling fitted perfectly with Coldplays’ new album. I proceeded to test out my theory under my breath through two songs, and launched into full Howl Mode once I was convinced of my genius.  (I also thought Mylo would be a brilliant name for a wolf. “Here, Mylo! Sit…stay…good canis lupus.” I’d fit right in on the hound walking circuit).

I’m lucky I wasn’t dumped on the side of the motorway Somewhere Near Birmingham.

And Paul McCartney? There’s something about his singing which sets my teeth on edge. He just sounds smug. I’ve heard him interviewed and he’s come across as a Lovely Chap, but there’s an indefinable edge to his crooning which makes me want to throw things at the tunebox.

Pitch them against each other and let them warble it out. They could borrow Mylo to perform as a backing singer, and the latest reality TV show would be set for success.  All you’d need would be a couple of sob stories and bingo! 

I bet Garth, Will and Michael would be brilliant on the judging panel.

All together now: AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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